Questions? use the message board.

Insurance Jokes

An actuary is a CPA who found CPA work too exciting.
------------- "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
------------- A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house was destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The puzzled lawyer asked, "How do you start a flood?"
-------------An actuary is one who, if you're drowning in a pond 20 feet offshore, will throw you an 11-foot rope and point out that he's meeting you MORE than halfway
------------- Mr. John Mumford III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:

"I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me."

Mr. Mumford died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.

On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed "I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Mumford, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted"

then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Mumford. We needed that money to help more homeless,and it's what Mr. Mumford would've wanted"

The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: "I can't belevie both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Mumford a check for the full $30,000!
------------- "The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
-------------"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
------------- "I saw the slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off my car."
------------- "I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
------------- After many years at sea a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job he thought that he should collect on his workers compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related. "How did you get the wooden leg?" In a booming voice the pirate replied:

"me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom she swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg."

Agent: "that is certainly work related. how did you loose your hand."

Pirate: "well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom she swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand."

Agent: "that’s also work related. how did you loose your eye?" in a booming voice the pirate replied:

"well matey, i was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!"

Agent: "what does that have to do with the loss of your eye?"

Pirate: "it were the first day with me hook!"